were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
