dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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