if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
