you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
