Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
