You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
