apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
