if you like me you must not know who I am
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
