ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
