I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
