Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
