Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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