worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Boobs speak an international language.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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