Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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