I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
