Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
