There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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