my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
