Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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