Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
