I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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