Screwed.edu
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
