I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My boob is missing a layer of skin
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
