You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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