What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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