Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
