Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
