this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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