She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
