I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
