Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
