I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
