She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
