When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
