Dual....:-)
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
