He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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