evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Alive.
So much puke
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
