i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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