she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
