the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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