I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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