Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
