Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
