Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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