I hate your face
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
