It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
