don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
