it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
