CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
