I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
