I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
